Erin: They caught the Scranton Stranger, they trapped him in his house.
Reporter: Police have now surrounded the apartment complex.
Michael: They have him surrounded. It's the SWAT. The SWAT's arriving.
Reporter: It is unknown if he is armed with anything.
Kevin: They should do that thing where they play the really good music to get him to come out.
Dwight: They shouldn't televise any of this, it just encourages copy-cats.
Angela: Just say copies, why do you have to drag cats into this.
Gabe: Okay, while this is interesting we should get back to work. These stand-offs can last a long time. What if it's another Waco.
Erin: It's pronounced wacko.
Jim: Some events are so news worthy, so historic, that you have to stop everything to watch. Balloon Boy, Michael Jackson's funeral. Things that if you didn't see them live, you wouldn't really care that you didn't see them at all.
Kelly: Columbia Street in Washington Ave! When is he gonna come out?
Andy: I bet he's wishing he had a hybrid, right? Sixty miles to the gallon in the city.
Kevin: No! I bet he's wishing he was strangling someone!
Michael: Ok, that's our street! That's our street! He's going down our street! Come on everybody!
Michael: There it is! I saw it! I saw it! He went right by! You missed it!
Michael: Grandpa, where were you the day the the Scranton Strangler was caught? Well kiddo, I was there. I was there... And I'll tell you what. You go sell these and buy yourself a nice spaceship.
Michael: Walk with me.
Erin: Gabe and I are having a party, and everyone's invited, and it's at his house apartment and we're gonna watch Glee.
Michael: Glee? What is Glee, some television program? Jim I need that thing stat!
Erin: Yeah it's a TV show...
Michael: Dwight! Sign please. I don't have time for parties I don't have time for TV shows. Stanley! What time is that thing I have to do?
Michael: Cancel it! Are you still here?
Erin: Uhh. It's just that it's our first party together so...
Michael: MMM MMM MM MM MM! Did you hear what I said? I'm a very busy man. I don't have time for your TV show.
Erin: Okay, sorry.
Michael: I'm joking.
Erin: Wait which one?
Michael: I'm joking. I'm kidding around! I'm not actually angry. I'm not busy at all, I'm not doing anything. And I know what Glee is, I'm a total Gleek.
Erin: Good me too!
Michael: You know who my favorite character is? The invalid. I am coming to your party.
Erin: I don't know if Michael likes Gabe that much, but there's this thing on Glee called mash-up, where two things that don't go together, make one great song. Take Gabe, take Michael, you make Gay Mike. Best friends.
Kelly: No really? Is there time to change this?! That show! Now first they say that Mr. Schu doesn't know anything about choreography, then like three episodes later he's this fantastic choreographer?! Pick a lane people!
Kelly: And what was with Jesse's sudden turn on Rachel, between Dream-On and Funk. Where the heck did that come from?! Honestly that show, it's just. It's irresponsible.
Angela: Are you going?
Dwight: Not because I want to. With all the feeling to base a show around. Glee? Thirst. Now that's a show I'd watch.
Angela: I would watch that.
Dwight: Tonight might be a convenient night for us to have some intercourse.
Andy: You're having a party at Gabe's apartment?
Erin: Mhmm! I'd love it if you were there.
Andy: You would?
Erin: You and Michael are always the life of the party!
Andy: Try and keep me from coming!
Erin: Why would I keep you from coming?
Andy: Try and hide it, I will track this party down!
Erin: Why would I hide it!
Kevin: Hey, you going tonight?
Michael: Yes, I am. Are you?
Kevin: Yeah! You gotta go to the boss's party!
Michael: What? No Gabe is... Gabe is not the boss.
Kevin: No he's not the boss.
Michael: Why did you just say he was the boss?
Kevin: 'Cause, you're the boss!
Michael: Yeeee... Guys! Do you consider Gabe to be the boss?
Erin: It's make your own pizza night. Isn't Gabe's place so nice?
Michael: Uh huh...
Erin: Look at the size of those wine glasses Michael!
Erin: Those posters used to be real French ads.
Michael: All right!
Gabe: So these are your cheeses, your ham, your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables. Here's what's been done, so start creating. Some times it helps to think of a part of the world, and...
Michael: Okay okay okay.
Michael: Gabe likes to entertain a lot, ad he cooks in an oven, and all that jazz. I just have a different life style. They have these bags of vegetables that steam right inside their own bag. So I'll get a few ingredients, sit down in front of the TV, a bag of vegetables, before you know it I'm ready for bed!
Gabe: You don't really toss the dough.
Michael: Try and destroy the old ways, Gabe, well I will not let you.
Gabe: Welcome to my Man Cave! I did my senior year in prog in Japan. Best year of my life.
Jim: You play?
Gabe: Oh! I like to play soundscapes. I imagine one instant of a song, expanded to be the size of the universe.
Jim: You can't even do that.
Pam: She's up! Great!
Pam: Cece, is reverse cycling, which means she sleeps all day and is up all night. Which basically means I'm up all day and I'm up all night. And if it doesn't stop soon, I am going to be up all night.
Erin: The show's starting. The show's starting! The show's starting! Show's starting!
Phyllis: Who's that?
Phyllis: Who's that?
Phyllis: Which one's Glee?
Kelly: You have to stop.
Michael: Where's Michael? Where's Michael? We can't start without Michael! Oh here he is! Ohhhh. Yayyy, and let the show begin!
Gabe: It's a little loud...
Michael: Actually I think it's not loud enough. May I? Thank you sah! There we go. Glee right? Rock and roll! Turn it up to elevaan! Spinal Cord!
Gabe: Some of us are trying to have a conversation.
Michael: Well some of us are trying to have a...
Gabe: I'll just turn the captions on.
Michael: Well I will turn up the volume.
Gabe: That's for the other box.
Michael: Okay... Heeeere's what we're gonna do! Right down the hall is a bed room. All the real Glee fans are gonna go down the hall to the real Glee party in the bedroom, follow me! Where we can crank it!
Oscar: That one! She's been in a couple episodes of Friday Night...
Kelly: You know what? I'm so confused. Is this a Glee watching party? Or a Glee pausing party? 'Cause we keep stopping it, to get a history lesson from...
Oscar: You know what? I didn't read the rules, I didn't know the rules. There, it's on. I didn't read the rule book.
Pam: Michael? Maybe you should try gong in the other room again. You can have my seat. It's closer to the TV. It'll seem louder.
Michael: Pam I have a loaded gun in my desk at work. If I ever start acting like that weenie Gabe I want you to take that gun, and I want you to shoot me like a hundred times in the groin until I'm dead. Okay?
Pam: You have a gun in your desk?
Ryan: Hey! Marantz Tubes Sterio. From the 1970's. I respect that. I respect that a lot. Oh hoho. The five Chinese Berilidy Herbs. No kidding. This is powdered seahorse. They say that fifteen Chinese soldiers fought off the entire army of Gangus Kong just using this stuff. You know what they say...
Andy: No what?
Ryan: What is this, Samurai wood cuts? Yep. Pretty erotic.
Michael: Better men than Gabe have tried to be my boss. David got fired. Charles got fired. Jan went crazy. Ed Truck, who I liked, got decapitated.
Dwight: Michael, I find it absolutely disgraceful that no one followed you in here for your walk-out. I took the liberty of making a list of everyone who didn't follow you in here. Jim. Oscar. Creed. Me, at first.
Pam: Maybe I should go.
Dwight: Kelly. Kev- Are you gonna quiet that baby? Or do I have to? In the Schrute family, the youngest child always raises the others. I've been raising children since I was a baby.
Darryl: Take a shot.
Andy: Oh thanks.
Darryl: Wow, so much Asia stuff. I wonder if there's a guy in China right now, looking at a bunch of our stuff.
Andy: Why does Erin like Gabe?
Darryl: Andy look, all I know is that if I was a girl, and I had to choose between the tall dude who loved Asia, and the you looking dude who loves sweaters and wearing sweaters... I'd choose you.
Andy: That's really nice, thank you.
Darryl: And I'd blow your mind.
Oscar: Jim what are you doing?
Jim: Oh, it was commercial break so I just wanted to check the scores.
Oscar: Flip it back please.
Kelly: The show's back on, what happened?
Ryan: We're behind.
Oscar: Go to the recorded version.
Kelly: Oh my God what song was that?
Erin: I wasn't recording it.
Kelly: What song was it?
Erin: Wait, why do you have to record it?
Oscar: This is why Erin! We're living it! Start recording now!
Kelly: Okay, they did Blinded by the Light and they did it with an actual blind guy. Was it worth it Jim? 'Cause we missed it!
Pam: If I could get her sleeping normally I could get my life back.
Dwight: That would be nice wouldn't it?
Pam: I can't even talk about it.
Dwight: You know it's not really necessary for me to sit here holding her all night. Just go into Gabe's refrigerator, get a lump of suit, or any kind of congealed animal fat will do rally, tie a piece of string to it and the other end to her toe, put the suit in her mouth, she'll be happy for hours.
Pam: I kind of doubt Gabe has suit.
Dwight: Really? Oh... Then here we are.
Erin: Michael. Gabe is making the pigs in a blanket, and he kind of needs some help so, he was wondering if you could help him.
Andy: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome, Phyllis Vance! Isn't that White Diamonds Maya Smith Taylor?
Phyllis: You know your perfumes!
Andy: My nanny used to wear that.
Andy: I just ate powdered seahorse! I have to admit I did not think it was gonna work, but it is totally working! I feel exactly like a seahorse! Blub blub blub blub blub blub blub blub.
Erin: Look who I found!
Michael: Yeah, well I wasn't very hard to find.
Gabe: Let's go ahead and wash our hands.
Michael: Is this the same dough you used for the pizza crust?
Gabe: Yep! Waste not right?
Michael: So these are pizza dogs, they aren't pigs in a blanket per se.
Erin: Michael knows everything there is to know about snacks,
Erin: Gabe was born in 1982. He was the longest baby in the hospital.
Michael: He's the longest baby in this room.
Erin: What's the longest thing you've ever seen? For me it was the tale from Jets.
Gabe: Erin you don't have to...
Michael: You know what Erin you do have to.
Gabe: Michael! You are making this harder than it has to be.
Michael: That's what she said.
Pam: It's a miracle. She loves him.
Jim: I don't know about, love...
Dwight: She loves me.
Angela: Outside my car in two minutes.
Dwight: Well something's come up, I have to go.
Pam: No no no no no! She'll wake up!
Dwight: I have something to do.
Pam: Look, I know what you have to do, please stay with Cece. Dwight? I've always considered for us to be very good friends. Great friends! Remember your concussion?
Dwight: I do. But you married my worst enemy.
Jim: Well I think enemy's a strong word. 'Cause I think we have a really charming back and forth. And-
Dwight: Enough. I will require beer and pizza to think this over.
Dwight: From Jim.
Jim: I don't think that's gonna...
Pam: Do it!
Jim: What kind of pizza would you like?
Dwight: Surprise me. No! Pepperoni.
Michael: Okay... Alright.
TV: And the winner is, by two votes-
Kelly: Ahhh! What's going on?!?!
Andy: Hey Creed, would you read Chinese?
Andy: What does this say?
Creed: HI mahhhh. Boo yowww. Gunjo! Ooh uncow!
Andy: Hello UPS! Still waiting on that five minutes with Erin order. Oh never mind it's here. Oh if it isn't the bell of the ball! You throw a lovely party ma lady...
Erin: Are you having a good time?
Andy: Did you wear my favorite outfit on purpose?
Erin: Andy you look awful!
Andy: You're four seasons in a day. You... got the Autumn thing going on. But if you put on ba- Put if you put on a blue... It's Spring Time in the Rockies!
Erin: Are you alright?
Dwight: Insert it in my mouth.
Jim: That's not gonna make your pizza eating experience any better. Trust me.
Dwight: No, try me.
Pam: Jim, just don't think of it as degrading. Think of it as, you happen to be moving the six inches his way and he happens to be biting it.
Dwight: I'd prefer for him to think of it as degrading.
Dwight: No. Crust first. Okay, now the beer. Beer me Jim. Ssss. Gentle. Now I've gotta go meet Angela.
Pam: What no, wait! You said you were gonna help us!
Dwight: I have a legal obligation to Angela. Okay, she needs to be serviced.
Jim: You need to stop talking.
Dwight: Oh come on, stop the fake prissy act. We're in the real world. Sex contracts exist!
Pam: Okay fine! There must be some way to get out of it. Even just for tonight!
Dwight: Yeah sure, Jim could go see her.
Dwight: You ever been with the blondes before? It's the big leagues.
Jim: I'm going home, and I'm taking my baby with me.
Pam: No no no, don't. I will go talk to Angela.
Dwight: She's in heat. She will eat your face off!
Pam: The reverse cycling ends tonight!
Dwight: A single piece of pepperoni please.
Jim: I'm not gonna-
Dwight: What are you doing?
Kevin: I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket!
Andy: Puts pillow in front of the puke.
Phyllis: Are you alright?
Andy: Erin likes Gabe.
Phyllis: I know. I thought you two were nice together.
Andy: Do you think that they've ever...
Phyllis: Made love? I don't know.
Andy: Well girls tell each other things right?
Phyllis: I'll see what I can find out.
Darryl: Where you been?
Michael: I just went out for a walk.
Darryl: Cable's out.
Michael: What? Really? That stinks!
Gabe: It's still on upstairs.
Michael: What does that mean? Party's over? Everybody leaves? Are you sure?
Creed: Hey! Puck and Finn worked it out, and the solo is now a duet.
Michael: Are you kidding me?
Michael: Now that's going on?
Kevin: I can't believe we're missing that!
Michael: Boy I wish I could see that. You know what? I have an idea. I don't know if it's gonna work, but let me give it this. Okay, I'm gonna give it shot.
Kevin: Please Michael, just make the Glee happen!
Kelly: Good luck Michael!
Phyllis: Erin! Uhm, so how long have you two been going out now?
Erin: Oh, uhm, like three months.
Phyllis: And I imagine things are starting to heat up?
Erin: I don't know.
Phyllis: Of course you don't wanna rush things! I mean the anticipation can be so exquisite. Bob and I took our time. The first time we saw each other naked we didn't even make love, we just stared at each other until we fell asleep. It was magical.
Erin: I have to go Phyllis.
Pam: Hey in there. It's Pam. It's not Dwight! Don't think it's Dwight!
Angela: What are you doing here?
Pam: I know you and Dwight have this weird deal, uhm, he sent me out here to see if you could postpone.
Angela: Are you authorized to do this?
Pam: Yes! I have been so authorized.
Angela: Ok, uhm, then tell him that we'll do this tomorrow night instead.
Angela: Wait Pam! How did he seem? Like, you know, did he seem disappointed?
Pam: You know, there are a lot of guys out there who would just love and appreciate a-
Angela: You know what Pam just save it.
Erin: You did this?
Michael: No I was just check- Yeah. Yes I did, yeah yeah.
Erin: Why don't you like him?
Michael: What is there to like? He's just, he's a weird little skeevy guy with no waist, why do you care whether we like him or not?
Erin: like him.
Michael: Why? I'm not your father. All right.
Michael: Go to your room.
Michael: Go to your room young lady!
Erin: Uhm, I'm not going to my room.
Michael: , to see that boy, anymore.
Erin: to tell me what to do.
Michael: As long as you are living under this roof you are going to do what I say.
Erin: I hate your roof!
Michael: Oh do not raise your voice to me!
Erin: I'll raise it how I want! I'll raise the roof!
Michael: Gahh, I will pull this car over!
Erin: I hate it! I hate your car!
Gabe: See ya Oscar!
Michael: If you break that girl's heart, I will kill you. It's just a figure of speech. But seriously, if you break that girl's heart I will literally kill you and your entire family.
Michael: Gabe, just go and have fun with Erin. But not too much fun! That girl's gonna turn my hair gray.
Gabe: What happened?
Andy: I accidentally ate some seahorses.
Gabe: How much?
Andy: I didn't know it's powdered, so like four or five, I don't know.
Gabe: I've got just the thing! This one's called Earth Rise, on the Moon.
Andy: That's so beautiful.